Maybe Your Expectations Need Decluttering Too
"Girl. Your house is not the only thing that needs decluttering. Maybe your expectations do too!"
STORY TIME.
This week, I was talking to a friend.
And before I tell you the story, yes, I got permission to share this.
Please don’t think every time you talk to me I’m secretly sitting there like, “Amazing, this will be Tuesday’s email.”
I am not that scary.
Mostly.
Anyway.
We were talking about how her home needs a lot of decluttering.
And then she kept talking.
She told me that her husband bought her flowers for her birthday.
But she was disappointed because she had really wanted jewelry.
Then she told me that this summer they are not going away like they usually do.
No big trip abroad.
The schedules are complicated. The kids have things. Life is life.
And as she was talking, I kept thinking something.
Then I said it out loud, because she is my friend, and that is what friends are for.
"Girl. Your house is not the only thing that needs decluttering. Maybe your expectations do too!"
And please know, I am saying this because I need the reminder just as much as anyone.
What Shaychis?
And now you might be wondering, “Ellie, wow. Deep. But what does this have to do with Frum Minimalism?”
Everything.
We just finished the OUT Challenge, and it was truly unreal.
Shoutout to my amazing OUT girls!!!
I expected big results.
But I did not expect trunks full of OUT.
I did not expect women OUTing way beyond the OUT missions.
I did not expect how quickly some OUT girls started realizing that clutter was not only sitting in their cabinets.
It was sitting in their heads too.
This is why I love teaching Frum Minimalism.
Because yes, decluttering starts with physical clutter.
But it never stays there.
Once a woman starts getting things OUT of her house, she suddenly has more space in her brain to notice everything else taking up way too much room.
The “he should.”
The “she should.”
The “it was supposed to look like this.”
The “everyone else is doing it better.”
The “if it’s not big, it doesn’t count.”
All the expectations.
And listen.
Beautiful things are beautiful.
Jewelry is beautiful.
Vacations are beautiful.
I would actually like to be contacted immediately if anyone is giving away tickets to New Zealand.
Please and thank you.
But sometimes our expectations get so big, so specific, and so impossible that we accidentally make joy too hard to reach.
And then we wonder why we are so disappointed all the time.
We allow way too many expectations into our lives the same way we allow way too much physical clutter into our homes.
This is Frum Minimalism.
We declutter the stuff.
And then we start decluttering the mental noise too.
The pressure, the guilt, the comparison, and the imaginary rules.
Because when we declutter our expectations, we make room to enjoy what is already here.
The flowers are sweet.
The iced coffee date is fun.
The walk after supper can feel like a mini vacation.
The tidy kitchen at night can feel like a massive huge gift from Shamayim.
SCIENCE TIME.
You know I love when research says EXACTLY what we already know.
Studies on happiness show that small, regular moments of pleasure and gratitude can have a real impact on our well-being.
Because when your brain learns to notice small good things, it starts finding more good things.
It is not that an iced coffee fixes your whole life.
It is that small things start counting when we stop dismissing them because they are not big enough.
READ THAT AGAIN!!!!
DID YOU? Good!
HOMEWORK TIME.
Declutter one expectation today.
Just one. Just today.
For example:
• That every summer day needs a plan, a snack bag, and a whole “making memories” situation.
• That if your kids are bored, you are not being a good mother.
• That camp packages need to be adorable, themed, expensive, and sent every single week.
• That a birthday only counts if your husband guessed exactly what you wanted without being told.
• That Shabbos needs challah, dips, kugel, dessert, a spotless house, and a mother who is still smiling by candle lighting.
• That supper has to be a meal-meal, not eggs, toast, pasta, leftovers, or “everyone find something.”
• That your kids need fresh entertainment every day or they will be deprived forever.
• That if you cannot do it beautifully, you should not do it at all.
Just wake up today and decide:
“You know what? Today I am not going to expect my husband to read my mind.”
Or,
“Today, I am not going to feel like I failed my kids because we are not going on some huge outing.”
Or,
“Today, supper gets to be easy.”
That’s it.
We are building the muscle.
Tomorrow you will get another chance to practice.
And then another.
And every time you practice, your OUT muscle gets a little stronger.
Hit reply and tell me:
What is one expectation you are getting OUT today?
I really want to know.
GOOD SHABBOS!!!
Warmly,
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