My House Was a Balagan. And I Loved It. 😂
STORY TIME.
This week was my sister’s wedding B'h!
As we were getting ready, I looked around, and there was SO MUCH going on.
Makeup, hair, showers, clothing, shoes, dresses…
Things were everywhere!! And it was sooo noisy!
You know. Getting-an-entire-family-ready-for-a-wedding stuff.
It was a complete balagan.
But the interesting thing was that I wasn’t stressed about it.
I wasn’t raising my voice.
I wasn’t snapping at the kids.
I wasn’t thinking that everyone needed to calm down immediately and get ready quietly and neatly.
We had a wedding!!!!
Of course everyone was excited!
Of course the house was loud!
This was all part of the wedding fun!
And as I stood there watching everything happen, I suddenly thought about Sivan Rahav-Meir.
WHAT SHAYCHIS?
Our final conversation for The Shabbos Reset Experience was with the incredible Sivan Rahav-Meir.
And she gave us such an interesting perspective.
She said that it is ALSO okay for Erev Shabbos to be a little cuckoo.
It’s okay if the house is a balagan.
She compared it to a family getting ready for a wedding.
When there’s a wedding, there is noise, rushing, stuff flying, and so much excitement in the air.
And we’re okay with it because there’s a wedding happening!
When Sivan first shared this, I thought it was such an interesting perspective.
But this week, on the day of my sisters wedding, I actually GOT it.
We didn’t have a regular balagan.
We had wedding excitement!
And every single week…
WE HAVE A WEDDING!!!!
We are preparing to greet the Shabbos Queen!
How exciting is that?!
And listen.
Of course, we can do things that make Fridays calmer.
But let's give ourselves permission to be ok with Erev Shabbos balagan!
We have a wedding every single week!!!
AND HERE IS SOMETHING ELSE I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT:
One day, your Shabbos table will become someone else’s childhood memory.
A few years ago, I heard something that I’ve never forgotten.
The woman speaking asked everyone to imagine this:
One day, your children will be sitting around their in-laws’ Thanksgiving table, talking about what Thanksgiving was like in the home they grew up in.
How would you want them to describe it?
I immediately thought about, lehavdil, Shabbos.
One day, our children will be married.
They’ll be sitting around their own Shabbos tables.
Maybe they’ll be with their in-laws.
Maybe they’ll be hosting guests.
And they’ll be telling stories about the home they grew up in.
What will they say?
Will they remember a mother who was so exhausted that she couldn’t enjoy the meal?
Will they remember stress?
Yelling because everyone had to hurry?
Or…
Will they remember laughter? Singing? Music?
A mother who was present enough to sit, listen, smile, and enjoy being together?
And after our conversation with Sivan, I realized that maybe the goal isn’t for our children to remember that Erev Shabbos was always perfectly calm.
Maybe it wasn’t calm!
Maybe there was music playing, people calling to eachother in the kitchen, children looking for shoes, and someone banging on the shower door.
That can be part of the memory too.
The question is: What did it feel like?
Did it feel like everything was going wrong and you (mommy of the home) was snapping?
Or did it feel like everyone was getting ready for something special?
Did it feel like pressure and stress?
Or did it feel like…
WE HAVE A WEDDING!!!!
Beautiful memories don’t happen by accident.
They happen because we intentionally create them.
Because we choose what really matters.
What kind of Shabbos memories do you want your children to carry with them for the rest of their lives?
If your children were describing your Shabbos table to their own children 15 or 20 years from now, IYH…
What would you hope they’d say?
Talk to you soon!!
Warmly,
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